Self-love, Must Never Be Lacking

Wherever you go and regardless of the circumstances, you must never be short of self-love. Fill your pockets with this positive emotional charge, fruit of self-esteem, and never forget it at home. But above all, don’t leave it in the hands of others. Self-love is our exclusive, just as it is our responsibility to take care of it and strengthen it every day.

The philosopher Michel de Montaigne said that “The most beautiful thing in the world is knowing how to belong to yourself”. This is a truth that we are not taught at school. Cultivating self-love should instead be a compulsory subject of study. Because, as we well know, we sometimes neglect this dimension of our psyche or, on the contrary, we nourish it too much.

Loving oneself, respecting oneself, feeling capable or deserving is healthy. It is unhealthy, however, to feed a disproportionate ego or excessive self-admiration, such as to devalue others and even feel authorized to hurt.

Without this exceptional resource of the psyche, our personality frays. As the humanist psychologist Carl Rogers pointed out, the human being needs to protect the feeling of self-appreciation, to recognize their own value in order to build a life full of meaning.

Wherever you are, self-love must never be lacking

It’s amazing how many people go through their lives not knowing that relationships and feelings are determined by self-love. If we don’t love ourselves as we deserve, we will expect others to fill this gap. Which will never happen. It follows a continuous state of suffering and the establishment of relationships of co-dependence.

Ultimately, we limit ourselves to accepting the love we believe we deserve and friendships that do not enrich, convinced that we cannot aspire to anything else. The same goes for work and every aspect of life. But if this dimension fails, everything will be distorted. We just exist with a low profile, surviving in any existential sphere, and without knowing satisfaction or happiness.

How many times have they told us “You must love yourself more!” or “If I respected yourself, these things wouldn’t happen to you.” We nod but … how do you do it? Is there a magic formula? Is it enough to stand in front of the mirror and tell ourselves that we are worth, that what we see reflected is perfect for us? The answer is no. It is not enough to accept or appreciate our body.

Self-love is more than just being happy with who we are or what we possess. It means appreciating everything we do and what contributes to our growth. It is a dynamic process that nourishes everything, the light that allows us to work on what we deserve and that strengthens our emotional resources.

Strategies to never miss self-love

It doesn’t matter where we are or with whom: wherever we go, we must never be without self-love. The risk is to become people we do not like, doubles of ourselves who endure continuous suffering, human beings who do not have the courage to fight and who have people of little value next to them. To avoid such a scenario, it is worth remembering the pillars of self-love:

• Self- awareness : being aware of one’s thoughts, emotions and needs at all times. Staying in touch with our inner selves allows us to align needs, actions and commitment.

• Self-esteem. It is the key and the heart of self-love. It is the appreciation of our person and, therefore, the way we think others see us. Self-perception is an element that we should take care of every day.

• Self care. It is a commitment that goes beyond proper nutrition, hygiene or health care. It means protecting emotions and thoughts. The art of good self-care must never lose sight of the emotional and mental sphere.

Happiness lies somewhere in between: neither too much nor too little

Never run out of self-love, because suffering arises from lack of it. At the same time, remember: never accumulate too much self-love because excess results in the suffering of others.

The study conducted by psychologist William Campbell, at the University of Texas, provided interesting data on narcissism and self-esteem.

However, he proposes a distinction: those who tend to strengthen their self-esteem too much are not a narcissist. Narcissists tend to use others, depriving them of their energy, to reinforce their own shortcomings.

A person with excess of self-esteem perceives himself as better than others, in intellectual and moral terms. These people do not need and do not want to control anyone, but they create environments of heavy wear in which they can show their arrogance.

The secret is balance. You are happy loving yourself without disrespecting others, finding your place in the world to get what you want, learning to live in harmony. Let’s always remember that.