Why Is Our Self-esteem Important?

“The worst thing that can happen to a man is that he comes to think badly of himself” (Goethe)

What is self-esteem?

The ‘ self-esteem  is the evaluative perception we have of ourselves,  or the ability to love one another, to valorizzarci, to love and respect each other; the value we give ourselves in every aspect of our life. It sustains the basis of our identity, it is our main point of support.

The ‘ self-esteem is a means to understand ourselves and understand others. It has two components: a feeling of personal capacity  and a  feeling of personal courage; as Canadian psychotherapist Nathaniel Branden points out, it is the sum of self-confidence and respect.

It is an intimate experience that resides in the inner core of our being. What we think and feel about ourselves, and what others think and feel about us.

Self-esteem begins to be generated in the first years of life, when our parents educate us and teach us what behaviors are acceptable, which ones are dangerous and which ones cause anger and / or sorrow.

In this way, educational models are established according to the family criterion, marking a path and indicating where one can go and where not. These models, together with situational and personal variables, configure the broad spectrum of self-esteem.

When are there self-esteem problems?

Our concept of ourselves affects all of our most significant decisions and choices,  thus shaping the type of life we ​​lead. This is why self-esteem is so important, as it affects all spheres of our life.

If we have low self-esteem, we are blinded by fear when we observe reality; we are accompanied by rejection, dissatisfaction and self-contempt. We come to think that we are worth very little or nothing and we hide behind the wall of mistrust, which distances us from others.

When we have low self-esteem, we are hypersensitive to both external and internal criticism.

Without a certain amount of self-esteem, therefore, it is impossible to satisfy many of our needs. Judging and rejecting oneself produces enormous pain.

If we don’t enjoy high self-esteem, we can even go so far as to offer ourselves a false image of ourselves as a result of how we believe others see us. All in search of external approval, a double-edged sword: if we get it, we are immediately happy, otherwise, we flood with discomfort.

In any case, we will use the eyes of others to be able to see us, because our sight is not enough for us. Dependence on the approval of others will perpetuate our malaise.

Most people seek trust and respect, in any part but themselves, and therefore the search is in vain.

We forget that we have the ability to define who we are and whether we like our image or not. The secret is not to judge us.

According to Nathaniel Branden, building good self-esteem requires:

– Living consciously.

-Learn to accept yourself.

-Free yourself from blame.

– To bring out the child in us.

-Live responsibly.

-Live in an authentic way.

-Help develop the self-esteem of others.

Self-esteem is not determined by social success, physique or popularity. It does not depend on something that is out of our control, vice versa it depends on our rationality, responsibility and integrity.

If we don’t check our self-esteem, no one will do it for us. Holding back and observing how we see and value ourselves is essential to understand the dangers to which we subject ourselves.

“Love for oneself is the starting point for the growth of a person who has the courage to be responsible for his own existence ” (Viktor Frankl)