Making Peace After A Strong Discussion

There are different types of disagreements: some are resolved in a more or less rational way and do not intensify,  others, on the contrary, are accompanied by offensive phrases, high tones of voice and offenses that hurt. It is in these cases that one wonders how to make peace after a strong discussion .

The question may be more complex than it seems because retracing one’s steps or taking back what has been said is not always possible. Part of that malaise remains on both sides. However, when the relationship matters a lot, it’s important to find ways to make up.

Sometimes the conflict is simply due to a word spoken at an inopportune moment. Other times there are inadequate models in the relationship. Whatever the reason, these tips could help you know how to make peace after a strong argument.

Moving away helps stabilize your emotions. At first you only see the mistakes of the other, but with the days, usually, you begin to distinguish your own mistakes. In other words,  some time and distance are factors that help broaden the perspective of the problem.

How to make peace after an argument

Analyze the feelings involved

It is very important to reflect on what was happening right before the discussion. Was there any factor that altered the mood? Analyzing this allows us to identify the possible external elements that may have influenced the conflict. If you were tired, hungry, or upset about something, it is possible that you simply got carried away by a bad time.

If, on the other hand, it was all quiet and apparently normal, but a strong conflict still broke out, it is possible that the question is deeper. This is why it is important to recognize all the feelings involved. Fear, guilt, repressed anger, etc. In this way you will find the way to make peace after a strong discussion.

Constructive dialogue

You have to look for the other person to start a dialogue. It is necessary to do it at the right time, in fact it is not advisable to rush the processes for the desire to reconcile after a strong discussion. You need to read the other person’s signals and see if he is still feeling very hurt or if he has channeled his anger.

First , you need to tell the person that you want to talk to them to clarify what happened. If he is reticent, it means he still needs some time. If he agrees, however, the best thing is to look for a different place than usual, which is quiet.

Simply express what you feel and how you feel. Talk about how their attitudes or words made you feel. Just refer to your feelings. Do not try to guess or attribute feelings, this will be done by yourself, the person you will have to listen carefully and without interrupting.

Coming to conclusions

If by talking about it you realize that it all happened simply because you let yourself be carried away by impulses, it is worthwhile to analyze the relationship models. Does it happen often? Why are emotional reactions not controlled? What can be done to manage emotions in a more mature way?

The next step is to accept the other person’s feelings and take responsibility for yours. In other words, it is convenient for each to express to the other that he understands his feelings and that he is sorry for hurting him. It is equally important to recognize which part of the responsibility each corresponds to.

Forgive and heal

Mutual forgiveness is a covenant that both people should be willing to make. It means making a commitment not to make the same mistakes  that led to the discussion. Forgiveness should be mutual. Perhaps one of the two was more aggressive, but to fight it always takes two.

If a similar situation arises, it is necessary to review the models within which the relationship moves. Often, without realizing it, we introduce inappropriate ways of relating to others. This is a deeper case, which must be carefully examined.

Sometimes the path to reconciliation after a strong argument is relatively peaceful, other times it is not. In the latter case, perhaps, it is not enough with a constructive dialogue, but it is necessary to undertake a deeper process.