Four Steps To Defeat The Inner Critic
How many times has it happened to you to know a wonderful person, with whom you could start a beautiful relationship, and to hear a little voice inside of you that says to you: “Do you really think you might be interested in him? But look how he is dressed! For sure he will earn at least twice as much as you … “
These kinds of thoughts that assault our mind have their roots in negative past experiences, and try to put us on alert to avoid making us suffer again. Psychologists call this item the “inner” critical ( inner critic ), and although we may think that it is a useful tool to avoid problems in the future, the truth is that it acts more as an element of “self-sabotage”, there prevents you from moving forward in life.
Although the inner critic can manifest himself in any situation, he makes himself felt above all in the context of sentimental relationships or, in any case, when it comes to the relationships between us and others. This is because the deeper wounds in most cases are left by interaction with other people.
The inner critic never sends positive messages. Usually, he repeats the “teachings” that our educators, parents or other authoritative figures close to us have left us and that we have metabolized. Let’s say, for example, that your mother has always been a slacker because you didn’t help her with the housework. When you meet someone you like and who is successful at work, your inner critic may convince you that you will never win them over because you don’t try hard enough. Suppose someone always told you that you weren’t beautiful at all, when you meet the man or woman of your dreams, your inner critic will warn you not to approach, because he won’t even notice you …
To be able to overcome this enemy, we must take some measures that free us from its criticisms and help us increase our self-confidence .
1. Always identify him
Learn to identify the voice of the inner critic as soon as you hear it. If at some point in the day you start to have too negative thoughts about yourself, stop for a moment and reflect: those are not you, but your past experiences that speak for you.
2. Transform his message
When you were little someone told you that you were a slacker, that you were fat or ugly or whatever. Now you are adults who can exert themselves whenever they want, and who have certainly changed physically as well. Recognize that you have made improvements and that you can continue to do so when you need them. Do the exercise of taking up the criticism you made and turning it around in a positive way. For example: “That cute and intelligent girl will notice me for sure, because I have a great sense of humor” or: “The man of my dreams will realize that I have the ability to connect with the most diverse people. “
3. Practice meditation
Meditation is a great tool to calm the inner voices that trap us in a vicious circle. Choose a quiet environment and relax your body in a disciplined way: in this movement you will be able to identify the inner critic and keep him under control.
4. Don’t be afraid. Take risks.
When the inner critic throws one of his negative messages at you, have the courage to ignore it and act exactly the opposite. If you want to get to know someone, but the critic tells you not to come near, do it anyway. If the critic thinks no one will talk to you over dinner, go there anyway and start a conversation with someone you find interesting . It can be difficult at first, because in a way you are denying a part of yourself, but if you succeed, the feeling of triumph and satisfaction you will experience will be indescribable.
Remember that your worst enemy is not out there, but lives within you. If you put these tips into practice, little by little you will be able to control that inner voice that makes you miss all the best opportunities.
Image courtesy of Rachel Sian
