Can Tantrums Help You Grow?

Our children’s tantrums can indicate a sense of frustration or emotional overload. Recognizing when and why they are produced can suggest the best way to help them and manage them in the right way.

When the outburst ends, there is an opportunity to learn and reflect with them on what has happened. In this sense, we can invite them to reflect on what are the possible positive responses to what triggered the tantrums , as well as teach them to know and communicate emotions better.

In this article, we explain various strategies to use after the tantrums to turn them into learning opportunities, also making them much more bearable.

How to behave during tantrums

Keep calm

Losing your nerves when your baby is having a tantrum will complicate the situation even more, raising your voice can put more stress on your baby. Also, we will set a bad example. The adult’s job is to show the child alternative ways to manage frustration and express his or her feelings and desires.

It is important to remain calm and focus our efforts on the baby. By doing so, we will transform ourselves into a reference figure to which to turn when he will not be able to control his emotions.

Don’t take things personally

Normally, when our children have a tantrum, they don’t do it to get our attention, or to provoke or anger us. It happens that they feel emotionally overwhelmed by a certain situation and do not know how to act differently. They feel frustration or anger and express it through an outburst.

The important thing is not to take their anger personally, instead considering it a reaction to what success they can learn to manage.

How we handle emotions as adults is related to what our parents taught us as children. For this, it is important to become the prime example for our children.

If our parents tended to take our tantrums as a personal affront and haven’t taught us another way to express our emotions, it’s normal for us to get frustrated when our kids throw tantrums and can’t handle them.

Be empathetic during tantrums

It is essential to be empathetic with our children and their feelings, and try to explain in simple words what we believe they are feeling. All this using a calm and reassuring tone of voice, putting us at their level and addressing them directly. Thus they will feel heard and understood.

Keep in mind that tantrums are not a personal attack on us. Children are the first to suffer from their inability to channel negative feelings. At that moment they find no other way to express themselves except through screams and tears, which is up to us to translate and then teach them to do so.

On the other hand, empathy doesn’t mean having to give in to tantrums. If we did, instead of giving them a tool to learn how to manage emotions, it would get the message across that throwing tantrums is an effective way to get things done.

Being empathetic therefore means trying to translate what happens. For example, “I think you were upset because you were having fun playing, but we had to leave” or “you wanted to put on your shoes, but I helped you and you got frustrated”. By doing so, the child will feel that we are putting ourselves in his shoes and will calm down and listen more easily.

Another way to avoid a vicious circle is to offer an alternative to change the focus of attention. This method works best when they have calmed down and feel understood. If we try to distract them when they are at the height of the whim, it could cause them more frustration.

What to do when the tantrum is over?

Offer a source of containment

When the tantrum is over or the baby has calmed down a bit, we can offer him a hug or a caress. We can invite him to wash his face or drink a glass of water. If he doesn’t accept it, we can accompany him, breathe with him or explain that he can ask for a hug when he needs it.

If the baby hits himself during the tantrum, it is important to hold him firmly and let him know that it is not okay. If he tries to hit us, we will have to take him firmly (without hurting him) and tell him clearly that it is not allowed.

Don’t give in

It is important not to give in to the child’s demands, even if he has stopped screaming or crying. If we did, he might learn that whim is useful for getting what he wants or as a method of expression. However, we may be able to offer him another form of positive attention, such as stroking or hugging. This will confirm that we love him anyway.

On the other hand, we can also negotiate and offer an alternative, thus showing the child that we have listened to and value him.

Whims as an opportunity for growth

When the baby has calmed down, we can talk to him about what happened. Let him try to explain to us what he felt and try to explain to him how we lived it and how we felt. We will also be able to use this moment to think about alternative methods to deal with these situations when they arise again.

Well, if our children are small, we will have to try to give meaning to what happened, as well as suggest ways to manage such situations in the future.

What not to do on a whim?

• It is not appropriate to use shouts or physical punishment.
• Any strategy that causes additional stress can have long-term consequences. We try to avoid them.
• Do not give long explanations during the tantrum, because the child is not listening.

• It is not appropriate to leave him alone or in detention. Doing so would worsen his ability to manage emotions.
• If it happens in a public place, we will not have to push or force him to leave the place. The situation will have to be handled there as soon as possible, regardless of who is watching or what they may think.

The tantrum phase is normal in children’s development as long as certain limits are not exceeded. In fact, tantrums can turn into an opportunity to learn to tolerate frustration and express negative emotions. This is vital for living in a society made up of limits and norms.

Whims allow parents and children to practice to become more and more tolerant of their own frustrations, mistakes, mistakes, disappointments and losses. They are therefore also an opportunity to teach them emotional skills that will help them be more mature teenagers and adults.