Friendship Relationships: How They Evolve Over The Course Of Life

Friendships play an important role in our lives. We all want to have bonds of affection and trust. We need others to develop and live a pleasant life. But what exactly is friendship? How do these relationships evolve during the various stages of life?

Friendship is an emotional relationship based on the trust and compromise dimensions of Sternberg’s theory. However,  there is a wide variation in what each individual thinks about friendships. This is due to the constructive factors that exist on this concept. The subjectivity of each person influences a lot, altering the criteria that define friendship.

In general,  for adults, a friendship relationship is not a one-way relationship, but must be two-way. Friendship implies mutual psychological satisfaction characterized by understanding the feelings and thoughts of both people. However, we have very different friendships in childhood. Below, we explain how friendships evolve over the course of our life.

Development of friendships

According to Damon and Fuentes, friendship has several stages, each of which with specific characteristics:

Friendships in early childhood

Let’s talk about the period between 0 and 2 years of age. In this phase it is difficult to speak of friendship in the strict sense, but it is a phase in which we experience the first “immersions” in social life. Studies show that children initiate and maintain more interactions with known people than with unknown ones. This preference involves gaining trust with the people you identify as known.

Furthermore, children prefer to relate to others like them with whom they have had positive and pleasant experiences, rather than with those with whom they have had conflicts. Therefore,  we could talk about a beginning of friendship where the child chooses who to keep a game exchange with and show a positive affection. 

Preschool stage

The preschool stage is between  2 and 6 years old,  before starting elementary education. In this age group, children  have a self-centered view when they have to learn and analyze friendships. They do not distinguish their own perspective from that of others, as they have not yet developed a theory of mind.

These relationships, therefore, are characterized by unstable encounters where the break comes easily, especially when interpersonal conflicts occur. Generally, children are friends with neighbors or classmates. In essence, they  are unstable relationships based on closeness and largely directed and controlled by parents or caregivers. 

School phase

This dynamic phase goes from the moment the child starts school until adolescence, between the ages of 6 and 12. Friendships are now based on cooperation and mutual help.

At these ages, children begin to understand others, thereby abandoning their self-centered view of friendship. Therefore, they choose people who show affection for them and who  care about their needs and demands.

At this stage, the concept of friendship approaches what most adults have. Relationships have a more lasting character. If they keep up to adolescence, they can create a strong and affectionate bond.

Adolescence

This period  begins around the age of 12 and lasts until the age of 18. Friendships are conceived as those of adults. Teenagers see friendship as  a lasting responsibility based on mutual knowledge and where affection plays a major role. 

At this stage, friendships become much deeper, as values ​​of loyalty, trust, intimacy and sincerity are expressed. Friends are chosen on the basis of psychological characteristics, similar interests and hobbies.

From adolescence, friendships are enriched due to the multitude of experiences lived. Distance and occasional conflicts stop being an obstacle to maintaining and exploiting the emotional bond created.

According to this classification,  friendships change with the passage of time, they are influenced by the evolutionary development of the individual. We cannot forget that friendship is a subjective concept that each person builds taking into account the different variables. The important thing is to understand what friendship is for each of us in order to relate adequately and satisfactorily.