Need Approval: 3 Ways To Overcome It

Overcoming the need for approval successfully can be one of the best favors we can do for ourselves. This need causes numerous negative effects. One of them is not allowing ourselves to do what we really want in life. However, the need for approval is a need or desire that we have all had at least once.

This does not imply that below a certain threshold its motivating character is harmful. On the other hand, it is necessary to separate the desire not to offend and the desire to do something pleasing. It is also necessary to separate the actions that please others and not us from those that do us pleasure.

Ways to overcome the need for approval

It is not possible to overcome the need for approval in one day. Nonetheless, as the philosopher Laozi said, “Even a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step”. A ome of the most effective solutions to the need for approval are:

• Identify the consequences of this attitude.
• Take care of your self-esteem.
• Generate an internal locus of control.

Let’s analyze each of these points.

1. Identify the consequences of this attitude

The biggest obstacle you will encounter in fighting the need for approval is recognizing that this need serves to motivate your behavior. Studies confirm that most humans  are unaware of everything they do to please others.

Do a self-analysis exercise that will help you understand how much this need affects your life. Ask yourself if the following questions: 

• What aspects of your behavior would you change  if everyone you know loved you and didn’t take into account what you do?
• If you were the last person left on earth, what activities would you choose to do?
• If you were sure that no one judged you, would you change anything in your life?

These questions will help you fight the need for approval. They will allow you to recognize what you have done only because you are moved by this need. In this way you can continue to realize certain habits, modify them or eliminate them.

Take care of your self-esteem

A poor analysis of ourselves, along with the feelings that come with it, can lead us to seek the approval of others. When we have doubts about our “quality”, the need for others to encourage us by giving us their approval increases. The problem is, at times, this will lead us to behave in a way that we don’t really like.

Our self-esteem will continue to fail precisely because we live a life that is not ours. This can create a vicious circle in which we will feel worse and worse. Despite everything, we will continue to seek the approval of others.

If you work to increase your self-esteem, you will find  that overcoming the need for approval will be easier and easier. It doesn’t matter how, but loving yourself more should be one of your top priorities right now.

Generate an internal locus of control

One of the essential components of good self-concept is the locus of control. This somewhat odd name refers to the belief that we have great power over what can happen to us. Think: when something you don’t like happens, do you blame some external factor? Or on the contrary, do you assume your responsibilities and make sure you change the situation?

If you have an external locus of control, that is, if you believe that your life depends on factors that you cannot control, you will be more likely to need the approval of others to feel good. In this regard, increasing your feeling of control will allow you to turn your attention more towards your inner self rather than towards others. Think that whatever you do, there will always be someone you don’t like. Why worry so much about what they think of you?

Once you have taken over the reins of your life, overcoming the need for approval will be extremely easy. After all, when you do what you really want, external opinions matter little.

The three solutions to overcome the need for approval discussed in this article reinforce each other. Choose which one you want to start with, in a short time you will realize that what others think of you will no longer be such an important factor when you have to make a decision.