What Lies Behind Unruly Children?

Indiscipline, great dilemma and great problem. Sometimes we do not realize some attitudes and then it is too late, when the reactions of the children no longer make us smile, but a grimace of worry or anger. A refusal, a whim, a defiant reaction that undermines the authority of parents or educators. How to solve this problem? But more importantly: what causes these behaviors in the little ones? Let’s see it together!

What lies behind an undisciplined child

Educators and education professionals warn us: behind an undisciplined child there is obviously an incorrect educational model. We must be clear about it , as children grow up they try to overcome the limitations of their parents and want to acquire ever greater self-esteem, without yet understanding the rules of society. They can become demanding and authoritarian, unable to resist frustration, in a constant search for attention, objects, satisfactions and self-rights.

They are children who have not been monitored or placed on limits. Indiscipline is in fact an absence of control and direction on the part of those who have the responsibility to educate. It is true that each child is unique, that he has his own personality and a character that, of course, will not be the same as that of his brother, for example.

However, this task belongs to everyone, as fathers, mothers, grandparents, teachers or psychologists; educate to respect the limits in order to learn to live in society while respecting one another. If a child does not see the limits, he will be increasingly frustrated as he will never see his needs and desires fulfilled. He will not know how to respect others, nor himself.

Sometimes you see many parents not worried about what is important to the child. Too permissive educational models are imposed, sometimes even ineffective, nervous, inconsistent with the rules. Situation that little by little shape these unruly children that we all know and have seen sometimes.

Conscious and disciplined education

To educate disciplined children, you need to make some basic ideas your own:

-You must assume your own authority. But beware, authority does not mean raising your voice, shouting, applying inflexible rules or severe punishments. Having authority means that, as parents, you have the responsibility – and the obligation – to educate people who know how to live in society. People who understand the rules, who learn to be independent, who assume their responsibilities and know how to respect others. The watchwords must be coherence and logic.

– Learn to set limits. They are essential when it comes to educating. Children need to know what is good and what is not good to do, what is expected of them in every situation and what is not. If these limits are consistent and are maintained over time, children will be able to assume them and will grow up understanding the norms. If they do not know where there are limits, young people who are not very resistant and frustrated will grow up, people with an unhappy and dissatisfied essence.

-Democratic education. It is basic. Each rule will have to be negotiated, also explaining what purpose it has. We need to show closeness and understanding to children, so that we know we are always heard, that their words are important and that our rules are meant to educate them to live in society. We need to give examples, establish an open and fluid communication, in which there are no blackmails or double meanings.

We must act carefully. Unruly children are often the reflection of an erroneous, permissive and uninterested upbringing. As fathers and educators you need to know that having children involves a great responsibility. It means striving to be models to follow in order to orient oneself in a society in which to learn to be happy. To be happy, you need to know how to respect, value, listen, give up, hire and learn …  all this teaches us to be disciplined.

Image courtesy of Nicoletta Ceccoli